A coworker sent me some of these, and some of them were just too fitting, so I'm posting them here for and all of you to enjoy.

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

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I asked my wife, "Where do you  want to go for our anniversary? "

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.  "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

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My wife is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to me, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

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I took my wife to a restaurant.  The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of beer for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of face cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night more than the cream would.

And then the fight started....